The birth story!

Simon and I became parents on May 23rd to a LOVELY (yet large!) 8 lb 14 oz baby boy!

I had assumed that because I was healthy, Noah has been healthy, and my pregnancy has been complication free, that I would have a normal, terror-free labor.

Wrong.

We're alright though, so here's the full story!

Wednesday, May 22nd, I had my membranes swept. I went into the office at 3 cm and 80% effaced, so we were confident it would probably work, but I didn't get my hopes up. 20 minutes later, I started having irregular contractions that drifted off as the day went on. I had assumed it probably didn't work.

I woke up at 7:15 the next morning (my due date) thinking my water broke. It wasn't a hell of a lot, and it was NOT clear. I was convinced it might have been my MP. Maybe 5 minutes later, I realized my water had indeed broke, because it was like 4 times the amount. I called labor & delivery, concerned that it wasn't the correct color/consistency, and they told me to come right in. I woke up my mom, we got ready (kind of. I wanted to finish my makeup but my contractions were coming on too strong), and we drove to the hospital. We saw a rainbow on the way. It was delightful, despite the pain!

We got to the hospital and some man whose face I never saw took me up to the 3rd floor in a wheelchair, and people were congratulating me in the hallways, but I was sobbing like a baby. It was kind of embarrassing. The man dropped me off and rushed downstairs to meet my mom who was parking the car, so she would know exactly where to go.

I quickly got into triage. They were going to do a test to see if my water broke, but my body decided to show them before they had to do anything else. They took me straight to my room, and informed me that I had meconium in my amniotic fluid. They told me that I would not be able to hold my baby right away, as they had to do tests and suction it out of his lungs right after birth. It's not ideal, but I was fine with it.

The pain kept getting worse. We had continually called my doula to come to the hospital, because I needed serious help with pain management. Eventually I got IV pain meds, which made me loopy and fall asleep. Because I fell asleep, I needed Pitocin to speed it up, which made the pain excruciating. Then I got the epidural. My doula called not long after asking if she should still come up. The damage was done, so I told her to go home.

Noah was "sunny side up" so they told me I'd have to labor a while before pushing to get him to turn all the way. I had the epidural, so time wasn't as much of a concern. However, the epidural never impacted my left hip, so it was still incredibly painful. I can't imagine a labor without it at all. At about 5:30, they had me start pushing. It was confusing at first, considering I couldn't really feel what was happening, but I got the hang of it. Not long after 6, they told me the next push was going to deliver the baby. I gave it everything I had. Big mistake.

They told me to keep pushing and to not stop. My doctor called a code purple. Two people grabbed my feet and brought my legs completely to my head while two other nurses jumped on the bed. He kept pointing to a spot above my pubic bone, and the one nurse laid her fist into it with the entire weight of her body. Everyone had heard something pop, and it seemed to do the trick! His shoulders had gotten stuck (shoulder dystocia), and she was trying to break his clavicle, so he could pass through. He came out (not crying), and one doctor told me that his clavicle was broken, but that it "shouldn't" have any long term effects. I just wanted him to cry god damn it.

And then he cried, and past all the doctors and nurses, I saw his little legs kicking. I was in so much shock over what had happened in such little time that I hadn't cried. I just felt content.

Despite everything, his APGAR scores were 7 and 9, and not a single one of his bones were broken.

I, on the other hand, convulsed throughout the rest of the evening, and it ended with a seizure after going to the bathroom. Labor is hard work! Sorry to everyone that was expecting a call afterwards. I couldn't work my fingers on my phone, let alone succeed in staying conscious.

Post delivery:
I was so concerned breastfeeding would be difficult. It has been the easiest thing so far, and I love it. I feel like I'm making up for the bonding that I missed the first 12 hours of his life.

I know this sounds really pathetic, but I've lost over half my baby weight so far!

I thought newborns were supposed to sleep a lot. This is a lie.

He had his first checkup yesterday, and he's already gained back almost all the weight he lost after the first 2 days!

Hospital food is delicious.

My mom is the best.

I miss Simon a lot.

A lot. A lot. A lot.

I can't wait till we can become a real family. You know, the kind that has met each other and live in the same house together and get to do things together. It's going to be the most amazing feeling.

<3 Kristin

 

!

38 weeks tomorrow!

My mom comes in exactly 1 week!

Soon I'll be able to lay on my stomach!

And hold Noah in my arms!

And show Simon what he looks like!

And be only one human being!

I'll update after my appointment tomorrow!

<3 Kristin!

Birthdays.

So I'm really close to delivery, and I'm plotting what days are acceptable birthdays, and what days are not. I have 2 favorites. May 8th and May 12th. May 8th would be cool, because 5+8=13, and his birthday would be 5-8-13. That's awesome. May 12th is Mother's Day, and I'd rather not celebrate it alone! Therefore, any day up to and including May 12th is fine, because he'll be here with me.

My mom flies in on May 15th, so any day AFTER May 15th would be cool, too! She would definitely be there, and I'd like that.

Therefore, May 13-15 would be stupid.

Other thoughts:
After May 7th is good, because I'm getting this shoebox full of stuff after work tomorrow if I'm there. That's awesome.

After May 10th is also good, because then I can go see the Great Gatsby.

However, before May 10th is good, because Fridays are really difficult days at work, and I'd rather not have to work another one of those :)

Much longer after May 16th would be annoying, because I'm miserable.

The end!
<3 Kristin

Apprehension

This is an entirely different type of post. Enjoy.

Also, before you read, know that I completely understand that the second I have Noah, all of my feelings may change.

Having a baby was obviously not a decision we took lightly. There are still things that I want to do that I thought would come before having a child, because society states that they need to be done prior to starting a family. In the end, I realized that's not true at all. I want to go back to school, I want to travel with Simon, and I want to just always be willing to try new things. There's no reason this can't be done with a child. Once I realized that, I came to understand that having a child would not "end" me, Simon, or our life together.

I didn't want to have a kid just to have a kid. I wanted to have a child with Simon, plain and simple, to embark on this incredible journey with an incredible person. When I look at my tummy, I don't think about how cute he is, or how much I'm going to love him (I know I will. Don't worry.) I think about how I am carrying an extension of my husband and I. Half of this person's DNA is my husband. That is more miraculous than just his little body and his little lips and his little hands.

 

"Don't marry a man unless you would be

proud to have a son exactly like him."

This sticks with me so much. I consider myself extremely lucky that I truly want Noah to be like Simon in every single way possible. I don't think a lot of women share my sentiment regarding their children's fathers. Maybe I'm crazy, though.

------

Alright so that's the first half. The second half is about how truly terrified I am to be taking on the biggest responsibility of my life.

I don't think I'll be The World's Best Mom. Women will not look at me and think, "How does she do it?" Not because it's completely unattainable, but because I have no interest in giving up everything about me for my children. I think the most effective parents are parents that still take time for themselves as well. What do we teach our children when we let our bodies go, stop doing things for ourselves, and give up every ounce of our soul? That it's ok, but I don't think it is. I'm not saying I'm not going to take care of my children, but I have every intention of working, going to the gym, and buying clothes for myself. I can't believe that some women stop buying clothes for themselves.

Therefore, I'm scared. I'm absolutely terrified to be a mom. I am not the "mom" type, but I am loving, caring and would do anything for the well-being of my child, just as I would be for any member of my family. Did you know some women try to speed up the onset of labor? I'm so excited to give birth, but I can't imagine wanting to purposefully get myself closer to it. It's going to happen in the next few weeks anyways, and it's so easy to just take care of him while he's inside of me. I've never taken care of a newborn, so I'm terrified that I'm not going to do it very well. What if he gets diaper rash, or he can't latch correctly, or he gets an upset stomach? I want him to be full and happy and healthy every day of his life, but that doesn't happen for anyone.

Or what about crawling, walking, and talking? What if I'm a horrible teacher? And what happens when he starts evolving into a young man? How do you teach someone the difference between what's right and wrong, or what's right and what's easy? How do you become the adult that they know they should listen to? Do you just try to set a good example and hope for the best? That's too big of a responsibility to rely on hope alone. This is a human being. I have created a human that I need to raise to become the best human possible. It's too much to think about all at once.

I've rambled long enough, so let's just take it day by day. <3

36 week appt

Alright, small update here, because I had my 36 week appointment today!

I haven't gained any weight, so they didn't annoy me about that for the first time since my 1st trimester. Small win :)

Usually they don't do a cervical check until 38 weeks, but I had felt some contractions, so she went ahead with it. She was able to feel that he was head down (YAY), I am 1 cm dilated, and 50% effaced. The effacement is really great, especially with first time moms. It hints to less medical interventions (like induction), and easier ones if I still need some specific ones anyways. In addition, she mentioned that I probably will not go past my due date. Definitely the biggest win of the day.

I met with Christina afterwards, and she was very pleased to hear all of this. I have the highest hopes for a natural labor, but I will understand if something goes wrong, and I end up needing to explore other options.

I have a 38 week and a 40 week appointment left, but hopefully I just need the 38 week appointment and then go into labor. Or if I could just go into labor now, that'd be appreciated. It is a full moon tonight, after all. ;)

Kristin

36

Not quite at 36 weeks, but it's only two days away, so I figured I was safe to post a pretty accurate picture. The PUPP's is as bad as ever, but I was able to sleep almost 5 straight hours last night, so maybe that means improvement? Either way, these last few weeks were going to be miserable for me, so I'm out of self pity mode, and I'm just ready to have this baby. I had 2 contractions earlier today during the morning, but they went away. Just extra practice, I suppose!

Not much to say other than I have my 36 week appointment in 2 days, and I'm meeting with Christina, my doula, afterwards.

Oh yeah, and my veins make my hands look like I'm 90 years old or something. They're so big that I can't wear my wedding rings anymore. I have all 3 rings (my 2 and Simon's) on a chain in my bathroom. The PUPP's is so bad on my neck though that I can't wear it. Soon enough!

And here's a picture of Noah and I.

It's SOOOO WEIRD to think there's a baby in there, and then I watch his foot push against my stomach, and I believe it. My favorite is when I know it's his hand pushing against mine, and I kind of hold around it, so it's like we're holding hands. I still don't feel like he'll ever come out, but I'm so excited for when he does.

And on my bad days, I like to imagine Noah and I greeting Simon when he comes home. I know everyone says that your child's birthday is the best day of your life, but I think this will trump that tenfold.

:)

 Kristin

For me, myself, and I

This post is solely for myself, and for any girl that kind of wants to get pregnant but wants someone to talk her out of it at the same time. Even the easiest of pregnancies are susceptible to a variety of rare issues and complications.

The reason I feel the need to write this is because I'm experiencing so many new things with my body that I want to be able to know when it happened and compare it to when I deliver, and then maybe next time I'll be able to predict when I'm delivering a little better. Yes, I know every pregnancy is different, but maybe there will be some similarities.

• I pee about 30 times a day, and go through a roll of toilet paper EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
• Back pain began at about 20 weeks.
• Joint pain in my hips began at 25 weeks.
• Braxton Hicks contractions began at about 25 weeks, as well.
• Sometime in the 2nd half of my 2nd trimester, I began having breathing problems and heart palpitations in the mornings about every other day.

That was it, for a while. Then 32 weeks happened.

At 32 1/2 weeks, I got stretch marks on my stomach. A few days later, I had a rash break out on my stretch marks. Its called PUPPP. It only happens to 1/2% of pregnant women, and 70% of whom are first time mothers carrying baby boys or multiples. It is incredibly itchy, and although I tried to prevent stretch marks every day with stretch mark cream, I no longer cared and HAD to scratch. A few days after that, it started to spread. In about a weeks time, it covered my hands, my forearms and elbows, the backs of my thighs, and my ankles. I tried EVERYTHING. I tried Hydrocortisone cream, baby oil, diaper rash cream, regular lotion, calming lotion, scrubs, you name it. Then I ordered Grandpa's Pine Tar Soap from GNC. People swear by this, and I just got it in the mail today. This is the worst smelling soap ever, but I will be bathing with it at least once a day, and it hopefully will help. I have an appointment on Thursday, so if it doesn't, maybe my doctor can help.

Enough about that.

• At 33 weeks, I noticed I lost 3 lbs. I think that has to do with Simon leaving, though.
• At 34 weeks, I began having "period" like cramps a few times a day, one day a week or so.
• Today (35 wks 1 day) I noticed stretch marks on my chest. They're growing againnnnn.
• My back pain has evolved into an all consuming pain about one day a week over the last couple weeks.
• I may or may not be nesting. I'd like to call it being responsible and wanting to be prepared for when the baby and my mom come.
• Dizziness, nausea, and general weakness have occurred randomly throughout.

Almost nothing about pregnancy is fun. However, I try to focus on good things even when I'm completely miserable. Sometimes I enjoy his kicking (when its not in my ribs or bladder), and I like organizing his room and buying him things. I don't buy anything he wouldn't use, so I bought him 2 newborn sized pajamas at Target yesterday, and it has kept me happy ever since.

I like to think about my diet and workout plan for after the birth, too. Knowing that I can more or less undo what has been done (with a TON of effort, of course), keeps my spirits up.

With that said, I think I only have about 3 weeks to go until I deliver. My mother and my sister both gave birth early, and my baby is large enough that I'm sure he's already over 5 lbs. We'll see!

That's all for now.
<3 Kristin

Edit 4/23: The Pine tar soap did NOT work, and neither does Benadryl, cortisone cream, numbing cream, or pain relieving spray. The only thing that works for about a few minutes at a time is drenching myself in Witch Hazel. The last thing that I haven't tried is topical steroids, which I am inquiring about at my next appointment.